AGC #029 - The news no coach wants to give

My guilty podcast pleasure is Let’s Stick Together.

Hosted by three international field hockey players - Great Britain’s Phil Roper and Brendan Creed, and Joep de Mol of the Netherlands - the pod is low on production value and high on laddish nonsense.

But when the trio discuss the more serious side of life as an international athlete, it can be insightful for players and coaches alike.

They are essential listening after their countries’ teams have been selected for a major tournament, and each has suffered a different fate.

In 2023, de Mol went on a lengthy, rambling, cathartic rant after being left out of Holland’s World Cup squad.

And this month, it was Creed’s turn to talk through the inner turmoil of not making GB’s Olympic lineup.

Players dislike not being selected, but coaches don’t love giving them the bad news either.

“It’s excruciating,” said former Liverpool coach Jürgen Klopp.

“Most of the time, there is no answer. The only real answer is that we can only start 11 players.”

Klopp’s long-time Premier League rival Pep Guardiola agrees, calling it “the toughest part of our profession”.

As Georgia football’s Kirby Smart says, a cost of leadership is having to make decisions that disappoint people you care about.

While nobody enjoys team selections, it’s unavoidable in sport at all levels.

So here are 2 ideas each for coaches, players, and parents to handle it better.

COACHES

Plan where and how to deliver the news

At Liberty Field Hockey, where team selection happens twice a week, we typically give a player a heads up if their playing time is changing, positively or negatively.

Delivering this bad news in person before the substitution chart is released to the team can be uncomfortable for both parties, but it avoids blindsiding them.

But selections with greater implications - such as reducing a panel of 24 to 18 for a major tournament after months of practices - might require a different approach.

My preferred move is to send an email at a designated time and date.

This allows the player to plan where they want to be, and who to have around them when they get the news.

Both are rooted in a personal preference for expectation management. Whatever method you choose, make sure it’s consistent.

Give the player time and space

Empathetic coaches will want to console and explain a deselection decision, but often the last thing the player wants to do is hash everything out there and then.

There’s usually little you can say that makes the situation better, and a lot you can say that might make it worse.

My recommendation is to either tell them when you’re going to follow up to explain the “why” behind the decision, or else tell them they can book a meeting whenever suits them to talk about it.

Both approaches give the athlete time and space to manage their emotions.

This should lead to a more productive conversation about your selection rationale, and the way forward for the player, later on.

PLAYERS

Think first, speak later

The other big reason coaches might put off the selection discussion is to nudge you towards not saying something you’ll regret later.

Few of us are at our best when we’ve just been given bad news, so take the time and space to process your emotions.

You’ll ask better questions and make your case more effectively once you’ve calmed down.

Look inwards, not outwards

It is easy in a deselection moment to play the blame game.

But remember the old saying that every time you point a finger at someone else, there are three pointing back at you.

You can’t control how a coach thinks or how a team-mate plays.

But you can control your response to the situation.

Ask where you can grow.

Ask what you can do to help the team improve.

Tell the coach you hope to prove them wrong.

And then set about doing it.

PARENTS

Remember everyone’s role

A coach’s job isn’t to make everyone happy; it’s to make the decisions they feel are in the team’s best interests.

A parent’s role isn’t to do everything for their child; it’s to equip them with the skills to handle life’s conflicts and adversity.

Consider those two sentences before deciding whether it is worthwhile to confront a coach about your child’s selection.

Put all parties in the room

Should you decide to wade into the playing time discussion with a coach, do it with the player present.

It avoids the “he said, she said” which can cause miscommunications and embarrassment.

I know a parent who demanded a meeting with the coach because “my daughter doesn’t know why you don’t pick her”.

The coach brought Mom and daughter into their office, and asked the player to recount the three areas she’d asked her to work on to help her selection chances.

After the player listed those out without missing a beat, you can imagine how Mom felt.

The player had lied to her, not out of malice, but because she didn’t want to disappoint.

If you insist on getting involved as a parent, ensure you’re ready for all the potential outcomes.